even my friends aren’t my friends
If I have to ask for your attention, then I don’t even want it.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m on top of the world and nothing could ever stop me. Like this feeling can never be broken, in this emotion “broken” isn’t even a vocabulary word. Like when I inhale my favorite scents, or when a stranger gives me the slightest glance, or when i see friendly gestures, those are my favorite feelings. Sometimes I like the things I like and sometimes I’d love for someone to actually notice and say, “She likes to wake up in the morning and she likes to lay there for a couple minutes to acknowledge the fact that she’s had a good rest. She likes when her coffee is made for her. In other words, she likes it when people are awake before she is. She likes walking out the door and feeling like she is ready for the day, like she can take it all in, until 3, when she arrives to her home. She likes socializing with people who actually hear what she has to say, even if it’s about some ridiculous documentary about Tilikum. Who is Tilikum? Exactly. Let her speak. She appreciates it. She likes when you acknowledge her. Just her and nothing else in the moment she wants to be acknowledged. She likes when you pay attention, but not so much attention that you’re begging for it. And not like you’re attempting to chase her. She likes to be noticed, not observed. It’s not hard, not hard at all.” That’s all I have ever wanted, to be noticed and actually feel it for longer than it’s ever lasted. Because “sometimes” is slowly turning into “hardly” and “hardly” is turning into “never.” I am getting restless and I am tired of blaming it on you.